I can't decide if Thanksgiving is terrible or wonderful. I mean, here's what comes to my mind when I think about gobblegobble. We eat like there's no tomorrow, and maybe it's just me, but I feel like it's expected of me to only stop eating when that blazing, wet burp, reminiscent of auntie's stuffing, graces its way up my throat. Hello, gluttony. We think we are gathered to "celebrate peace and community between pilgrims and Native Americans". Lord Jesus. I don't even want to get started on this, but long story short, fuck western ontology for giving birth to dysconscious racism. How have we come to celebrate exploitation and lies? In the middle of our food coma, we then proceed to prepare for Battle Royale, leaving everything we've learned about courtesy at home (I don't think I need to remind you of this), and fight till the death for some soon-to-be-outdated Apple product. And how fitting, because that poor Wal-Mart worker was trampled all over by some greedy bitches the same way we land-hungry colonists trampled all over the Injuns.
But damn, at the same time, Thanksgiving is great for all the same reasons. Being able to do all these things, and do them conscience-free, is probably necessary. It's the one day people who are always so uptight or worried about wrong and right, trying to be healthy all the time, making every breath, sneeze, and fart meaningful, etc, can chill the fuck out. Stress and anxiety take years off our lives! And this holiday does actually make us stop and think about what we are grateful for, and if you forgot to tell your dog on his birthday how much you appreciate being able to pick up his poop, you always have Thanksgiving to save your butt. As we get older and realize that Thanksgiving is a fairy tale that some white dudes made sure was pounded into our vulnerable young minds, we can/should enlighten others who are forced to listen to us because we all know they're too lazy to get up and walk away from the honey baked ham. God bless Amurca
